Tuesday, March 23, 2010
3/23/10
Got back from a Dr. appointment. I am healing well. All my tweaks reportedly are normal and I made an appointment to see the Super Dentist to start plans to put my mouth back to more normal. HE is so faithful. Gideon is already 10 days ago. I was able to go and stay the whole weekend even though I had an escape hatch plan. Friends looked out for me and GOD showed up. I also have had lots of good conversations with brothers much more benefical then the counslor I am supposed to see because He works through HIS body. This weekend my brother Konrad made the treck from NYC by himself and what a great time we had walking in the sunshine having conversation I am so blessed having a brother who knows the Lord and is a great friend. Sunday we saw Telestai, a play about Jesus's last days and crucification what a splendid reminder who paid the price and what it is all about no matter the outcome. HIS Glory and HIS Kingdom. Certainly stories of a co-workers sibling passing of cancer or reading about people passing are upsetting because the humanity in me does not care for the thought of death. I am reassurred of my Savior He will not leave me hanging nor forsake me. Don't mean to preach. I am also gaining my energy back as I know am sleeping better for the last 3 weeks. Getting involved in the Levy Campaign for issue 5 for those living in Lake County will support persons with MRDD and since its a renewal it means no new taxes. This also is helping me to give me a focus and I am learning to manage a very basic webpage"friendsof mrdd.org. My plan to return to work May 3rd seems to be on track. Again Thanks for all the support. Jurgen
Thursday, March 11, 2010
3/11/10
What Jesus means to me
Couple weeks ago Pastor Greg asked us to think about what Jesus means to us. At that point I was emotionally overwhelmed thinking of all Jesus means to me especially over the last 6 months. 6 month ago I got the news that I have cancer again this time in my sinus after dealing with this 14 years ago I thought the odds were in my favor. This time it was already advanced and would require even more aggressive treatment. On April 1st 1979 I had accepted Jesus as my savior. 5 years ago during another difficult time I had accepted him as my Lord and was sanctified. I turned things over and was sometimes challenged on those decisions. Turning your belongings to him and having most of your yard gone through a flood, turning your marriage over to Him and having your wife ask for a divorce. Every time I struggled but kept reminding myself that I gave Him my Life with all it entails and He has restored my house and most of all my marriage. At no time did I envision the health challenge but even there He is faithful. I was anointed with oil and prayed over last November prior to my 12 hour surgery. My prayer then as now is that He be glorified however this turns out. I have struggled with many things in the last several months but He has and will continue to meet my needs. Sometimes just in the last second. The examples are numerous. Not just being told that He loves me and you are being prayed for but the tangible things that made Him come alive and not just a belief such as, while in the hospital Friends spent the night every night so Kathy could get a break. A Friend moved in and was up with me every night as I was trying to breathe and figure things out so Kathy could sleep and do it in the day when he had to work. People I don’t even know committed to bring food for months and cards and prayers. The rides to treatments, the walks or the just sitting with me, to divert from the panic, the fear and the frustration. The voicemail messages reminding me that HE loves me and people. For over 3 month I slept in 1.5 hour blocks that in addition to doing chemo once a week while doing radiation 5x weekly were a challenge I found myself unprepared for. Christ carried me through via His body that is all of you He even used non-Christians to minister to me I guess if he can use donkeys and large fish he can use people too. This went way over what friends do but it is HIM and HIS actions through HIS Body that allow me to be here now. I had a short-term goal to go to Camp Gideon with some men and got discouraged that I would not be able to manage due to the lack of sleep and the feeding tube. Last week I got new medication that allows me to sleep and the feeding tube was removed a month early and I am planning to go. My spiritual memory sometimes is very short but HE is and always will be faithful and to HIM belong all praise because this was not a Jurgen effort or a team effort but a God effort through HIS Body Thank you.
Couple weeks ago Pastor Greg asked us to think about what Jesus means to us. At that point I was emotionally overwhelmed thinking of all Jesus means to me especially over the last 6 months. 6 month ago I got the news that I have cancer again this time in my sinus after dealing with this 14 years ago I thought the odds were in my favor. This time it was already advanced and would require even more aggressive treatment. On April 1st 1979 I had accepted Jesus as my savior. 5 years ago during another difficult time I had accepted him as my Lord and was sanctified. I turned things over and was sometimes challenged on those decisions. Turning your belongings to him and having most of your yard gone through a flood, turning your marriage over to Him and having your wife ask for a divorce. Every time I struggled but kept reminding myself that I gave Him my Life with all it entails and He has restored my house and most of all my marriage. At no time did I envision the health challenge but even there He is faithful. I was anointed with oil and prayed over last November prior to my 12 hour surgery. My prayer then as now is that He be glorified however this turns out. I have struggled with many things in the last several months but He has and will continue to meet my needs. Sometimes just in the last second. The examples are numerous. Not just being told that He loves me and you are being prayed for but the tangible things that made Him come alive and not just a belief such as, while in the hospital Friends spent the night every night so Kathy could get a break. A Friend moved in and was up with me every night as I was trying to breathe and figure things out so Kathy could sleep and do it in the day when he had to work. People I don’t even know committed to bring food for months and cards and prayers. The rides to treatments, the walks or the just sitting with me, to divert from the panic, the fear and the frustration. The voicemail messages reminding me that HE loves me and people. For over 3 month I slept in 1.5 hour blocks that in addition to doing chemo once a week while doing radiation 5x weekly were a challenge I found myself unprepared for. Christ carried me through via His body that is all of you He even used non-Christians to minister to me I guess if he can use donkeys and large fish he can use people too. This went way over what friends do but it is HIM and HIS actions through HIS Body that allow me to be here now. I had a short-term goal to go to Camp Gideon with some men and got discouraged that I would not be able to manage due to the lack of sleep and the feeding tube. Last week I got new medication that allows me to sleep and the feeding tube was removed a month early and I am planning to go. My spiritual memory sometimes is very short but HE is and always will be faithful and to HIM belong all praise because this was not a Jurgen effort or a team effort but a God effort through HIS Body Thank you.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
3/7/10
It is so amazing what sleep can do. The last several days I have been blessed by Sun Shine even longer walks with friends and Kathy and always the dog. We went out to eat twice and I could manage. I stood on the scale today and I am gaining weight back even though the feeding tube is gone. Pretty soon I will have to watch my diet. I was so concerned about being able to eat enough to maintain. This upcoming weekend I am planning to go to a men's retreat which had been my goal for the last several months to be fit enough to go. Then I got discouraged because I did not want to to be up all night with mostly strangers in a strange place and having to deal with the feeding tube. God has been faithful. With the new meds I am sleeping up to 10 hours I think I am making up for 3 month of little sleep and the feedingtube is gone and it looks like the hole is almost closed. Amazing things our bodies. So I am planning to go. It goeas to show how much He loves us to make my wishes come true. Jurgen
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
3/2/10
The last several weeks have been tough with but as usual He has seen me through. I have been evaluated and diagnosed as being depressed and anxious. I have seen a Psychiatrist who has given me some medication that has allowed me to almost sleep through the night for the last 4 nights. I had been sleeping in 1.5-2 hour blocks for the last several months. Then yesterday the eye doctor felt my eyes have recovered enough for me to drive and to try to start wearing my contacts. I have not driven in 3 month. So that was great the infection is gone. I did try the contacts today for several hours successfully. Also the docotor today removed my feedingtube in a suprise move that was a tad painfull but a step in the right direction. Tonight I am driving myself to church. My friend Chuck had back surgery yesterday and fared much better than expected. He came home yesterday and we had dinner together. As always God is faithfull. I sometimes cannot see his grace in the darkness but it is there none the less. Jurgen
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
