9/27/10

We had a great time in Niagara Falls, We made reservations for the Hotel and a guided tour at a visitors center and it worked out great. The tour was scheduled to be 5 hours but ended up to be over 8 hours. We did both the Canadian side and the US side. Joel and Tracy watched the dog. Sunday after retutning home we both crahed. Today was a quite day I was enrolled in Hopice and tonight godly friends came over after we received food from another godly friend at Lunch time. Konrad and family is planning to come this weekend. God id all around. I received a really nice devotopnal book from an union collegue and read it all today it was great. Thanks again and again. JUrgen

9/23/10

Yeah no more chemo treatments. I have the weekend free. I think Kathy and I are going to Niagra Falls. It appears that the swelling on the side of my face is not fluid as expectwed but my old friend cancer. The MRI from yesterday showed that it is in my brain mebrane and pushing on my good eye. Yhats why my vision is fading. I was worried about losing that eye last fall with the first operation and Gad gracefully let me use it this much longer. Per the docs this also means my time frame is compressed to weeks and months from months to a year. It is hard to wrap my brain around this but friends are around and I was able to speak with Konrad und my Dad/Almut and I am even more gratefulll about the wonderful week we had. I know He is faithful and will see me through even through the tears and all. Again RThanks for the love. While I was in Germany I used a term "die lebendige Kirche" which means the living Church. I was talking to Almut my Dads wife not sure how it came up but the love that is being shown to Kathy and I is Him living through his living Church and I am thankful. JUrgen

9/18/10

I am back home after a wonderful time in Germany. Konrad came with me and we had a great time. My sister joined us over the wekend and we were able to sit down all together and explain to my mother who has Alzheimers my health sistuation, what a blessing it had been several years that we alll had been togother and my Mom seems to have understood. Konrad and I stayed at my Dads and boy was I treated well. His wife Almut prepared meals that I could eat and every meal and we were able to share our faith and God is alive and well. Yes there were moments of tears but we had also lots of laughter playing cards doing a little yard work and just being able to express our love for each other.. Other family called and expressed their love I got Birtday presents. Two nephews who each had lived with us here came one afternnon and we had a great visit. We were also able to accomplish all the tasks that I had hoped to allow Konrad to take over for me legally as my Mom's Guardain. She will be well taken care off. The travel went well. I had flown through New York and was able to visit with the rest of Konrad's family during the layover to Germany and with Eric on th4e way back. HE loves me and showed again and again through the time he is allowing me. I am blessed. THanks you JUrgen

9/4/10

Well 2 weeks done with Chemo light. Last weekend Kathy and my Sister-in-law Debbie went to visist Konrad's in New York. We had a great time touring Manahatten, Central Park, China Town drove past Ground Zero, Battery Park and a Fwerry Trip to Staten Island and back. Sunday Eric, Konrad and I went to Eric's orientation at Fordham Unversity. What a nice campus which I could do a do over. On Wednesday a Hospice worker came over to share info. God is great. The worker is a belirever and was with Kathy when she rweceived the phone call from me that I had cancer 15 years ago. We were able to pray and it turned out to be an ok meeting. Yesterday I woke up with some new swelling on the left side and was put on steroids after consulting with the docs. I am also allowed to slowley expand my menu to pureed foods and drink normal stuff. That should make my planned trip with Konrad to Germany on Friday easier. I willl attempt to explain to my mother who has Alzheimer's whats going on and would ask for prayers in regards to this. Thanks as always for the support. Jurgen

8/21/10

Its been a week since the last news. Its been busy which is good. Final arrengements have been identified and are being planned. Its weird planning your own funeral but the control freak in me can at least to that. Also the Living will and power of Attorney have been completed. Wednesday we met with Chemo Dr. and he convinced us to try Chemo to slow things down. I will start on a partial regiment next Thursday for 3 weeks prior to flying to Germany with my brother on my return week we will start the full regement which entails 1 day outpatient treat ment weekly and every 3-4 weeks 4 days inpatient treatment. WE will try this for 3 month to see if this works. If my qulity gets to compromised we will stop. Thinking about my bucket list besides the trip to Germany I am mostly wanting to hang out with family and friends to enjoy the time we have. Thanks again for alll the support via emails cards phone calls walks what ever. God promises not to give us more than we can handle sometimes His strenght comes in the last second but it is there. Jurgen

8/14/10

Well its been awhile. I had a Cat Scan yesterday to see if my infection was clearing. The result was not so good. Apparently my cancer has spread throughout my lungs and a cure is no longer a possibly based on the medical opinion. I was given 6-12 month. This was unexpected and quite a shock. Within minuted of calling some friends the Body of Christ was at teh Hospital to comfort. He is amazing. I made the last phone calls to people this am and decided not to return to work 9.1.10 as planned. On wednesday we are meeting with the chemo dr. to see about a regement to slow things down. Kathy and I will then decide what to do. There are some things I want to do and I so not want to be impaired by chemo during this homestretch. I would ask for your support and prayers especially for Kathy as this is hard on her. In addidition please remeber my friend Duane whose father passed away from Cancer 2 days ago. Its been difficult to share because I know many of you will be hurt and grieving. Thanks for everything. JUrgen

7/28/10

Boy how time flies. I had a little set back in that I have developed areas of infection inside my mouth. 2 weekend ago I starting running a fever and on Sunday we went to the emergency room. I was admitted to the hospital for 5 nights and came home Friday afternnoon. with about 6 weeks of infusion antibiotics that I gave to myself for the first time today. A Nurse was coming the other days to teach me. Kathy has to pack the wounds in my mouth 2x daily as I can not see in there, I am not allowed anything by mouth not even liquid, All this is leaving me somewhat exhausted. Praise God it was only an indection. This am I did a small bikeride before it got hot and it wiped me out. Saturday Kathy and I wnt ot th ewedding of the daughter of friends and it was great even though we did not make the reception, ran out of umph. It seems everytime I go to the hospital I have to rebuild my energy. I certainly have learned to sleep. Thanks for all the prayers, cards and phone calls. Jurgen

7/6/10

Well its been qitea awhile. Almost 2 months since the last surgery and I have been home now for 10 days. He continues to see Kathy amd myself through these times. This month a year ago I had my first sinus surgery. Boy what a year. Currently I am trying to gain my pysical strnght back through walks and Duane and I went for a brief bike ride in the neighborhood that KAthy and I repeated today. WE are trying to do things early because of the heat. I am practicing my swalliwoing liquids no food yet and am getting used to the meds and the feeeding tube. The trach was removed the day before my release and I can talkl better. The whole is pretty much closed up. YEAH Lord. My right leg where they took the bone, muscle and skin seems also to heal. I have exercisises to help me relearn to swallow and because of the swelling I am unable to bring my left over teeth together and I am trying to do exercises do get better with that. Kathy has been cooking special soups that I can eat and today I had pudding with whipped cream. WE continue to be so THankful for all the prayers and supports and visits. Its kind off like starting rehab all over with a couple more challeenges. It is good to be home sleeping in my own bed etc. God truly continues to be faithful. Jurgen

5/17/10

Well tomorrow is the surgery. He continues to be so faithfull. On Thursday after a day of tests and waiting I received some awesome cards that are definetly keepers. I also received a great email from my Aunt in Germany, one of the other cards was from her sister. The guys and I had a a great dinner last night while Kathy went out with the girls. We keep moving forward. I know I am loved both by HIM and people. With all this it is good to knoe that tomorrow night I will be cancer free and I am planning to stay that way. HE keeps showing HIS love in tangible ways through phone calls cards hugs etc through HIS body. Today Kathy and I are planning to train Rustler on a new collar and spend time together. I almost forgot I got some great assistance to bulk up via an awesome cake. Finished it up yesterday, just in time. Thanks all keep the faith, keep breathing and moving and making sure that HE is on the throne. Jurgen

5/7/10

It has been quite a week. On Monday it was confirmed that I have a new unrelated cancer spot on the back of my right bottom jaw. The treated site is clear. YEAH. No more radiation and chemo will be options at this time the only option is to remove part of that jaw and replace the bone from my leg. My surgery is scheduled for May 18th at 7:15 and should last 8-10 hours with 8-10 days in the hospital. I reportedly will not be allowed to speak for about a week and no food for an month. That means I am eating what caleries I can now to bulk up. Eat your heart out ladies. THe recovery to get me back to my current state is 3 month. This means I will have my 1st summer off since High School. God continues to be faithful via HIs body showing up. I am blessed by friends and HIM. I ask that you also lift up Kathy as I get the benefit of meds that she does not. I have contined to ask that GOd be glorified through this looking for a purpose. I am not sure that I will ever know the purpose while here but I still want HIm to be glorified. I was asked this week what that means and it caused me to think. What does that mean? Any ideas or scripture please let me know. Love to have that conversation. Part of me is disappointed that others have prayed and are now disappointed with God and this. Remember HE is in charge. Jurgen

4/27/10

Well we met with the Dr. today. It appears there is a chance that I have now a differnt type of cancer on my good side in the bottom jaw. I am scheduled for a catscan assisted biopsy tomorrow at 1 in Cleveland, not sure whether I will be admitted again. Jurgen

4/25/10

Well its been a ride. 1st the weekend trip to Washington DC. It was fun and we had Amy Zettle as an awssome toureguide. I could not always keep up but it was fun to get out and see something different. We returned on Monday and I ended up in the Hospital on Tuesday for 3 nights to figure out what is going on with my numbness in my jaw. This gave the docs an opportunitty to run the MRI and Petscan earlier. The MRI showed that I appear to have a possible infection in a facial nerve on my good side and I was put on steroids and anitviral meds, but no tumor YEAH. This morning we got the result of the petscan. It appears that there is no cancer on the left side (treated) there seems to be somthing on my good side behind the jaw and I have an appointment tomorrow am at 9:30 for a possible biopsy. This could be the cause of the nerve problem. This has led to a thoughtful day. HE provided, calls from Utah and other places came in as we we were still speaking to the doctors and within a brief time period HIS Body showed up for conversion counseling and fellowship. As unerving as this is We know that we are loved and again are carried by HIS Love. Thanks for everthing everybody as usual it seems so inadequate but its all I know to say. Jurgen

4/14/10

Well the dizzyness continues. It appears that I might have vertigo. I was able to be seen over Lunch by a PT on Monday and am working on being able to get in there offically to help with that. Also my energy appears to be taking a vacation. IN addition there is an increase in discomfort in the face and my chin went numb. I saw Doctors last week and today and no explanation for the chin. Today we scheduled the Petscan and MRI for 4/27 with an appointment to review results 5/4. The Doctor today told us he was not overly concerned about my new symtoms but no expanantion. This is wearing on me and subsequently on Kathy. Hopefully our DC trip will be energizing and provide a positive distraction. Went to work yesterday to start thinking about returning to work as scheduled 5/3. Could use some divine intervention for this all to work. Thanks for all the prayer support. Jurgen

4/5/10

I hope everybody enjoyed the Easter season. I was able to go see Telestai with my brother and our Church easter performance and then a musical called Sanctuary. Just before Easter it got really warm and I think the weather got to me. The weekend I felt dizzy and out of energy. Kathy had her family over and I slept alot. Today was the visit with the superdentist and he gave us some stuff to think about. If I want to replace my 5 missing teeth I will need further surgery in my mouth and it might not make such a big differnce funtionally. Since there is no bone to anker the prothesis too it would always give. One of my options is to leave as is. He also felt that my dryness in my mouth will not improve. I guess its time to get used to things even though I am still hoping for some improvement. Kathy and I have been enjoying the great weather. I need to be reminded to keep my face out of the sun due to the radiation. This adjustment to new normal is something. Please continue to pray that I can accept my new limitations. IN 10 days Kathy and I are planning to go to DC for 3 nights with Duane. Then a couple of appointments and its time to go back to work, Kathy is having a surgery on her hand this Wednesday we are having Doocotor appointments every day. IN additionm I am finding out that my insurance is now denying things that they had initially approved not a good sign. I am trying to reslove this but have had no luck for several weeks. Breath, keep walking and see that HE is on the throne. Jurgen

3/23/10

Got back from a Dr. appointment. I am healing well. All my tweaks reportedly are normal and I made an appointment to see the Super Dentist to start plans to put my mouth back to more normal. HE is so faithful. Gideon is already 10 days ago. I was able to go and stay the whole weekend even though I had an escape hatch plan. Friends looked out for me and GOD showed up. I also have had lots of good conversations with brothers much more benefical then the counslor I am supposed to see because He works through HIS body. This weekend my brother Konrad made the treck from NYC by himself and what a great time we had walking in the sunshine having conversation I am so blessed having a brother who knows the Lord and is a great friend. Sunday we saw Telestai, a play about Jesus's last days and crucification what a splendid reminder who paid the price and what it is all about no matter the outcome. HIS Glory and HIS Kingdom. Certainly stories of a co-workers sibling passing of cancer or reading about people passing are upsetting because the humanity in me does not care for the thought of death. I am reassurred of my Savior He will not leave me hanging nor forsake me. Don't mean to preach. I am also gaining my energy back as I know am sleeping better for the last 3 weeks. Getting involved in the Levy Campaign for issue 5 for those living in Lake County will support persons with MRDD and since its a renewal it means no new taxes. This also is helping me to give me a focus and I am learning to manage a very basic webpage"friendsof mrdd.org. My plan to return to work May 3rd seems to be on track. Again Thanks for all the support. Jurgen

3/11/10

What Jesus means to me
Couple weeks ago Pastor Greg asked us to think about what Jesus means to us. At that point I was emotionally overwhelmed thinking of all Jesus means to me especially over the last 6 months. 6 month ago I got the news that I have cancer again this time in my sinus after dealing with this 14 years ago I thought the odds were in my favor. This time it was already advanced and would require even more aggressive treatment. On April 1st 1979 I had accepted Jesus as my savior. 5 years ago during another difficult time I had accepted him as my Lord and was sanctified. I turned things over and was sometimes challenged on those decisions. Turning your belongings to him and having most of your yard gone through a flood, turning your marriage over to Him and having your wife ask for a divorce. Every time I struggled but kept reminding myself that I gave Him my Life with all it entails and He has restored my house and most of all my marriage. At no time did I envision the health challenge but even there He is faithful. I was anointed with oil and prayed over last November prior to my 12 hour surgery. My prayer then as now is that He be glorified however this turns out. I have struggled with many things in the last several months but He has and will continue to meet my needs. Sometimes just in the last second. The examples are numerous. Not just being told that He loves me and you are being prayed for but the tangible things that made Him come alive and not just a belief such as, while in the hospital Friends spent the night every night so Kathy could get a break. A Friend moved in and was up with me every night as I was trying to breathe and figure things out so Kathy could sleep and do it in the day when he had to work. People I don’t even know committed to bring food for months and cards and prayers. The rides to treatments, the walks or the just sitting with me, to divert from the panic, the fear and the frustration. The voicemail messages reminding me that HE loves me and people. For over 3 month I slept in 1.5 hour blocks that in addition to doing chemo once a week while doing radiation 5x weekly were a challenge I found myself unprepared for. Christ carried me through via His body that is all of you He even used non-Christians to minister to me I guess if he can use donkeys and large fish he can use people too. This went way over what friends do but it is HIM and HIS actions through HIS Body that allow me to be here now. I had a short-term goal to go to Camp Gideon with some men and got discouraged that I would not be able to manage due to the lack of sleep and the feeding tube. Last week I got new medication that allows me to sleep and the feeding tube was removed a month early and I am planning to go. My spiritual memory sometimes is very short but HE is and always will be faithful and to HIM belong all praise because this was not a Jurgen effort or a team effort but a God effort through HIS Body Thank you.

3/7/10

It is so amazing what sleep can do. The last several days I have been blessed by Sun Shine even longer walks with friends and Kathy and always the dog. We went out to eat twice and I could manage. I stood on the scale today and I am gaining weight back even though the feeding tube is gone. Pretty soon I will have to watch my diet. I was so concerned about being able to eat enough to maintain. This upcoming weekend I am planning to go to a men's retreat which had been my goal for the last several months to be fit enough to go. Then I got discouraged because I did not want to to be up all night with mostly strangers in a strange place and having to deal with the feeding tube. God has been faithful. With the new meds I am sleeping up to 10 hours I think I am making up for 3 month of little sleep and the feedingtube is gone and it looks like the hole is almost closed. Amazing things our bodies. So I am planning to go. It goeas to show how much He loves us to make my wishes come true. Jurgen

3/2/10

The last several weeks have been tough with but as usual He has seen me through. I have been evaluated and diagnosed as being depressed and anxious. I have seen a Psychiatrist who has given me some medication that has allowed me to almost sleep through the night for the last 4 nights. I had been sleeping in 1.5-2 hour blocks for the last several months. Then yesterday the eye doctor felt my eyes have recovered enough for me to drive and to try to start wearing my contacts. I have not driven in 3 month. So that was great the infection is gone. I did try the contacts today for several hours successfully. Also the docotor today removed my feedingtube in a suprise move that was a tad painfull but a step in the right direction. Tonight I am driving myself to church. My friend Chuck had back surgery yesterday and fared much better than expected. He came home yesterday and we had dinner together. As always God is faithfull. I sometimes cannot see his grace in the darkness but it is there none the less. Jurgen

2/17/10

Well its been quite a ride. My energy is starting to come back very slowley. In addition I have infections in what used to be my sinus and left ear and eye making seeing and hearing more difficult. Kathy and I have been enjoying watching the Olympics. I just completed going off all the pain mediation hopefully that will help with the mental fog and energy level. I am able to talk again which was not possible for a while and starting eating soups and very soft foods. This recovery is similiar to the period after the surgery but seems to take longer. Also my mental health is being challenged as my expectations and real life don't always match. Kathy has been such a trooper with all of this it is amazing. Christs church is also amazing with food and visits and recently short trips out so Kathy gets a break and I get to see other things again. we have had quite the cold and snow spell. I have been able to last couple of days to keep up with the snow and even went for a 30 min. walk by my self with the gog. That was it so for energy. I am trying to do something every day.

2/6/10

I want to Thank everybody for their on-going support. I have had a hard time speaking due to the mouth sores which means very short phone conversations or mostly none. In addition I am so glad I made the choice of a feeding tube as thats mostly would I can do. Wednesday was the last radiation day. For awhile I did not thik I would make it. His strenght carried me through and continues to do so. Since all the treatments are cumlative I am waitng to reach the bottom so things can improve. My next Doctor appointment is on Thursday. I am getting better with taking my pain meds based on Kathy's reminders, resulting in more sleep and mental fogginess. Today things did not get any worse so tomorrow we can make baby steps in healing. Kathy thinks my face is less red. I miss being able to go to church may be next week. I was way to groggy today. I know its been a long-time since my last update. I still apprecaite all the messages even if I have not returned the calls. Time to review all the cards I saved and the blog. Amazing how quick my attitude can change knowing He is concistent. PLease also remember to lift up Kathy and she bears the brunt of my care taking. In addition to Terhart, Duane and Chuck who all helped out this week . I know I have said this before this is a group effort. It got cold again and we woke up this am with a good amount of new snow and Nick out neighbor clearing our front steps and driveway. Kathy did the back later on. I am looking forward to a time of healing and rst with out the meds. Jurgen

1/28/10

Last day of Chemo is done YEAH. This last week as been more of a challange as my tongue is very sore and there has been increase in mouth sores, I have trippled my pain meds with some success. This also means more tube feeding and hardly anything by mounth. Less talkimg more grunting and signing. This makes it hard for Kathy to understand me. 4 more Radiation to go and then its healing time. Not that I have not been healing already. Konrad was abe to take care of business at my mom's this last weekend which was great as I was not able to talk to her on the phone. I appreciate all the well wishes I am getting. PLease pray for Kathy as I am hitting my mental wall and this is hard for her. I was unable to stay for the whole services last SAturday but it was not as bad as the Saturday before that, He does take care. May HE be praised in everthing, Jurgen

1/17/10

I realize I am running out of energy more and not updating as often. Last week I found out that instead the planed 30 radiation treatments I am scheduled for 33. So now my last day is 2/3/10. My hair started going south mostly in the back and Duane took me yesterday to get a short haircut to eliminate some of the mess. Otherwise ever day is a new day. I received rides from Pat on Wednesday and Chuck on Friday, each followed with a meal out. I continue to be blessed by all the friends and family. Thursday with chemo I got my H1N1 Flue shot which might have contributed to a challenging Saturday the nausea pills could not quite keep up which was a first. Duane hung out with me and Kathy which was great. I did miss church though just was not up to it. Bob called one evening and we had a long conversation about faith and being afraid etc. What a godly man and God used this to challenge me in my attitude. Friday night I got a book from Dave and Connie while having Dinner at their house, love the chicken and noddles, about not being afraid for about tomorrow because God is already there. I started reading in and it goes with the conversation Bob and I had. He loves and is there even when it does not seem like it as things are feeling badly. Friday was as is becoming a pattern the best day. I stopped at the office and the car got an oil change followed by dinner at Bennetts with the Suba's. Saturday stinks but I was able to sleep pretty well and todau appears to be better than yesterday. May be a walk with Rustler? Its been several days. 13 more radiations and 2 more chemo's coming up. Kathy reminded me to live in the moment today but I rather live in the month from now when this is over. It keeps the stomach more stable. Friday I thought I would not need the nauseau pills at all. Sure glad I had them yesterday have not taken any today. YEAH. Jurgen

12/9/10

Yesterday was the halfway point in the treatments. THANK you all for all the support it continues to be a true blessing from phone calls to cards to food to rides to and from to give Kathy a break. To visits and fellowship. C. Bennett send me reminder to wait upon the lord and to use this time to spend quiet time with HIM. I am not so good at being quiet. Fridays appear to be good days based on the left over steroids from Chemo on Thursdays. I had an early Doctor apointment downtown and a moved up Radiation treatments and we had snow and cold. Chuck took me, it was great to have another set of ears for the doctor. I appear to be doing well physically and the Doctoe indicated that we are looking for a petscan end of March or beginning in April. If that shows no more cancer that I will have 1 or 2 outpatient surgeries to shave some extra material of in my mouth. It is not supposed to hurt as it is still numb and then the new teeth. Total healing could take 18 months. YEAH a goal in sight. WEdnedday night Duane and Katherine came over it was a nice time. Bodo called this week and it was great to hear his voice. again I am overwhelmed by all the support. This is truley a group effort. Thanks again. Love Jurgen

1/2/10

Happy New Year to everybody. Wishing you a blessed healthy New Year. Today was a little bit of a downday. Energy was down and I am experiencing the first sores both in my mouth, lips and nose. The nose is numb so at least I cannot feel them there I am very grateful for that. I finished 2 full weeks out of 6. The remainder of the weeks will be 5 day weeks so no more short weeks. Annie the Lady I have shared about got her graduation papers several days early. Yeah. This week I was blessed again by so many ways. Mike and Chuck took me each to treatments which allowed Kathy some time off. In addition Chuck and Lorie had us over for Dinner on Kathy's Birthday instead of bringing Dinner and we exchanged gifts and they had a homemade from scratch Birthday cake for Kathy. And Thanks to all of you who called and wished her well on her big day. Yesterday was a great day also. It seems that the steroids I get with Chemo provide a boost that last the next day. I vacuumed the home, cleaned cars walked the dog went to the store and we went to a Ruff New Years get together, Thanks Lois Ann. Please remember her as her treatments will start on Thursdays. My dads youngest sister called to share her wishes and I got communicaton from 2 cousins from Germany all praying for me. Tonight we went to church and I was reminded on all the relationships He has been restoring recently in our lives and the way His Church is helping us out. Today the phone calls to bring cheer, The people to bring food and the visitors that make a not so great day managable. Tonights message was on the persisitence of Christ how he pursues, loves and comforts and most of all wants a personal relationship with each one of us. Not the be religious but to have a relationship with each one of us. His promises are not just for when we are dead but for now and here. What a perfect reminder. Again I am very grateful for all your prayers and support. I know I am repeating but Thanks seems so inadequate but its all I can say. Jurgen